Today In History: Trading Up.

On this day in 1327, 14-year-old Edward of Windsor was crowned king of England, replacing his no-count dad, Edward II.

Ed the Deuce had a problem with keeping his trousers up in the presence of handsome, dashing French knights, and was eventually forced to abdicate; according to popular legend, he was eventually disposed of by means of a red-hot poker up the poop chute.

His son, Edward III, seemed interested in French knights, too, judging by his favorite hobby, which was to go over to France and kill them in job lots.